The last time I posted something here was more than a month ago so I thought it’s time for an update. Hello. How are you doing?
We are at home and it’s day 11. We only went out for grocery shopping two times and we feed the cats outside every morning and evening. Yesterday, we drove around the city. That was our only activity outside. At home everything is calm and better. We both don’t have any problem when it comes to spending time indoors. Plus, Xbox, Monopoly and Play-Doh really help. We watch movies and read. We are aware that we are extremely lucky and I’m tremendously grateful for it.
But something has not been right, to be honest. At first I thought it was my anxiety kicking in. I have anxiety attacks but they are few and far between and under control. But this was something different.
I realized I felt angry when I saw people tweet about the things they will do when thing get back to normal. I realized I felt disappointed when I saw people think that this quarantine days are for home workouts or healthy recipes. I realized I felt frustrated when I saw people writing blogs like everything is fine and like we’re just locked up for a few days just for fun. I wasn’t sure if there will be any “normal” anymore…
Even though I was feeling beyond grateful for being at home with my husband, spending time together, for being able to buy everything we need such as hand sanitizers, alcohol, antibacterial wipes etc., for having things to spend time with, something deep inside me was not right. I was feeling down.
Then, thankfully I came across an article at HBR and understood what was going on with me. Believe me, nothing is ever a coincidence and I decided to share it here because if there’s someone feeling like me or experiencing similar things, struggling these days, this might help.
After reading it, I understood that I was and still is grieving. I am feeling grief because I know nothing will be the same again. Ever. None of us will be the same again. Life as we know it is gone. And this loss causes me mental agony. David Kessler explains that feeling grief in these days is totally normal and it’s important to acknowledge and manage it. Just like he says “There is something powerful about naming this as grief. It helps us feel what’s inside of us.” He reminded me to let go of what I can not control so I’ve been working on it.
By the way, this is not a 11 day process for me. As Mr. T has a very close friend who lives in China with his family, we were aware of this “virus situation” long before. But if we take into account how fast it became a pandemic I guess even 11 days is enough to go through all of these.
Anyway, I am feeling much much better. Every single one of us has our own way to deal with this thing. Sudoku is the best way for my mind to loosen up. I now understand people who tweet or blog. Maybe sharing workout videos is your way to relax? Maybe blogging and writing things make you feel relieved? Maybe baking? Maybe cleaning? Just find your thing and keep trying, keep swimming.
Be safe and stay at home.